Thankful For Us: A Poland Adoption Story
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How Can You Afford Adoption?
In the past, adopting out of birth order was universally discouraged by adoption professionals. However, we find very little research showing that it causes any longstanding problems. Even so, many countries still do not allow for children to be adopted out of birth order internationally. If you are considering adopting internationally, you will need to check the country requirements.
Your position in your family is important. Some research even suggests that birth order has profound effects on personality and psychological development. Successfully interrupting that is difficult, but many factors go into how easy or difficult it can be.
A lot of it depends on the personalities of the children involved and whether the entire family has accepted the adoption. It is especially important to pay attention to the child who is going to be displaced. Has your oldest child accepted the adoption? Has he/she come to terms with the fact that he/she will not be the oldest anymore?
What about the child coming into your family? Does she/he have a clear understanding of what life in your family will be like? With international adoption you also have to consider that your newest child probably won’t speak English very well and will have life experiences that he/she will need to work through once arriving in your home.
The gender of both the children already in your home and the child being adopted may affect how difficult adopting out of birth order may be. We have found placements of a child of the opposite sex have been very successful in comparison to the difficulties of say two boys that constantly struggle for dominance.
Another factor that goes into easing the transition when adopting out of birth order is the parent’s ability to ask for help if it’s needed. Parents who open themselves up to receiving help early in the adoption process and often during post adoption have an easier time helping their family settle into this new way of life.
We are not trying to convince you that this is something you should do; neither are we trying to discourage you from going for it. We are simply saying that if this is the path you choose, there will be difficulties – especially in the case of an international adoption. If adopting out of birth order is something you are considering, talk to our social workers. They are equipped to help make the best decision for your family.
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