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Words to My Child's Birthparents

Birth Families

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  Written by Martha Osborne on 01 Jan 2006

In August, asked readers this question:

If it were possible, would you choose to meet your child's birth-mother? And if so, what would you say?

An incredible 95% of readers emphatically answered YES! to meeting their child's birth-mother. Dozens more went on to leave warm and beautiful comments, as well as questions and ponderings.

It is our joy to share with you the following comments of adoptive parents to their child's birth-mother:

  • I'm sure whatever I said would be through many tears. I would thank her for the selfless gift of her beautful child and assure her this child will be loved and cared for as long as I live.
  • We respect you and we love you!
  • We love you and are grateful to have a chance to raise this wonderful child. We understand that things ca nbecome complicated and that you made the best choice for your and his life. We are proud to love this same child, with you!
  • I would invite her to keep in contact with us and if appropriate be a part of my child''s life
  • Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!! We will always keep you in our prayers.
  • To let her know her daughter is wonderful and well cared for. And mostly, to be able to tell my daughter something about her birth mother when she asks. To hopefully fill in some of those gaps and questions she has.
  • Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a mom bless you.
  • S was abandoned in China at age 5 while her younger brother stayed with mother. She has never forgiven her mother for that. I would ask the mother if she remembers S and show her a picture of S (who is now a beautiful 15 year old) I would probably tell her S never understood why she couldn''t stay with her mother and what can I tell S?
  • Nothing I could say would adequately describe how grateful I am that they surrenered their child. Or how sad I feel that they felt the need to do so. I cannot imagine the immense suffering that a birth parent has to endure in coming to a decision like that and then seeing it through! I guess the only thing that comes close to being able to convey how I truly feel is "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
  • Thank you
  • I would tell her how brave she was to make the choice she did. It is evident how much she loved her daughter to hope for a better life. She is more brave than I could ever be. I can not wait to see how this trait plays a part in her/my daughters life.
  • We met just after our daughter was born and spent a couple of days together about a year and a half later. I''m glad I have some answers for the questions my daughter asks. Our contact is infrequent and sporadic (the birthmother''s choice). It took time for me to accept that and reach a level of comfort with the relationship. Sometimes having contact with the birthmother is extremely difficult as we watch her struggle with her life choices (and the occasional late night phone call). In the end, I think it is worth it for our daughter. As she gets older she''ll have to find her own comfort level and figure out how much contact she wants and how much contact her birthmother can give. Our experience with those issues will, I hope, allow us to support her as she figures it out for herself.
  • I would want to thank her for giving my daughter life and tell her how much she is and always will be loved. I would want her to be a part of my daughter''s life if possible.
  • Most definately, I would love to meet her and talk with her. I'd also love to know if I should be concerned with future health issues in my daughter.
  • I would ask for a complete family history and the option for future contact.
  • In a heartbeat! I would love to meet both my childrens'' birthparents. I would want them to know they have given me and my family the greatest gift another human can give another. I would want them to know that I am honored to meet them because they made the most difficult decision in their lives to give their children up for adoption and I have benefited so much from that decision. I would want them to know that their children are a gift of love to me and that I would do whatever it takes to ensure "our" children are healthy, happy and loved. Then I would cry.....
  • Our son''s is a very open adoption - we are like an extended family. We''ve been able to see where he''s gotten some of his expressions and mannerisms and even some of his personality traits. I wish this for my daughter as well although she was an abandonment so it won''t happen -- I would say "Thank You and God Bless You".
  • Thank you for choosing life for my daughter!
  • Thank her for allowing us to raise and love her son. I''d ask about what he was like as a baby so I can share this with him when he is older.
  • Thank you for a beautiful daughter. She is loved so much and doing wonderful.
  • Thank you and dont worry I will love our and care for our child
  • I would tell her how much we will love her child, and give her a wonderful life in our home forever, and how we will be forever grateful for her giving us her child
  • I have met some birthparents and it was the best experience of my life. The bond between us was definitely there. The bond only mothers could understand! I look forward to meeting my other children''s birth families in the future if God is willing to allow us to do so.
  • Thank you for giving our daughter life
  • I''m not sure I could find the words that would express the thanks we feel that we are able to have a wonderful family and the heartache we feel for her - for having to give her children. I would love to keep in contact with her and it would be wonderful for her and the children to meet and get to know one another. We can only imagine her pain as she goes through life not knowing and always wondering about the children she had to give up.
  • I would want her to know that her child is loved by us, but that we also let our child know that he is loved by her birthmother. She is not forgotten.
  • I would tell her I am sorry she was unable to raise her child (Chinese), but that I could not love her more if I were her biological mother and I would promise her that I would do everything in my power to give her little girl the best life she can possibly have.
  • I would thank my children''s birthmothers for creating my beautiful children. I would tell her how much we cherish them and how often we think of the birth families. I would love to ask about their backgrounds to answer the many questions my children have, especially about their births.
  • The baby you gave birth to is grown, is healthy, happy and safe.
  • That our daughter is loved...that she is thriving...that she''s bright & funny & friendly & strong... I would like to ask for information for our daughter about her birth family--their traits & family lore.. & if possible why she was not kept/raised within that family...
  • I would let her know how her daughter was doing and how much we loved her and were grateful for her letting us raise her.
  • Thank you for giving me the opportunity to parent our child. I would have more questions than things to say. I would like to know why she felt she had to give up her daughter/son (I have both). I would like to be able to tell my children something as they get older and ask about this that is specific to them, as opposed to what I know in general about conditions in China, etc.
  • I would like to know as much about the family and its history. Also as much history on the child as possible.
  • Thank you for giving birth to a most wonderful child.
  • thank you
  • To thank her for her brave choice, and reassure her that her child will be loved immensely and very well cared for.
  • We love your daughter, she is a great girl and we are thankful to you for giving her life.
  • I want our daughter to know that her adoption has never been a bad I would be grateful to the birthmother and let her know this.
  • Thank you, thank you, thank you!
  • Thank you. Your daughter is extremely loved.
  • I would thank her and ask about medical history of the family and herself and if possible the father''s history if she knew of any.Those are important issues.
  • Two of our children, our daughters, are from China. I would love to tell their birth-mothers how much these children are loved and cherised members of our family. I''d like them to know that these girls are brilliant and funny. I''d like to tell them how the room lights up for me when they smile. I''d like them to know that I hope every day that China will one day relax it''s policies enough that I might be able to meet them.
  • I would love to learn anything they would want to share. It would mean the world to my daughter.
  • I would let my children''s birthparents know that I deeply love and care for my adopted children. I would also let the birthparents know what a blessing it is to parent the children they gave birth to. I would hope that the birth parents would want to have some kind of relationship with my children. ~Vicky
  • I would ask two questions. What were the circumstances that forced you to give her up? And, how often do you think about her?
  • Thank you.
    8/23/2007 9:48:50 AM
  • Thank you. Thank you. I love our daughter.
  • i have tried to take good care of our daughter
  • I would let her know how grateful that we are to have this child that she wanted another life for. I would want her to know the joy that our daughter has given us and that I think of her daily when I look in to our daughters eyes. I want to tell her that I know it must have been a very hard choice but she must have made it with love. There are many other things I would love to tell her...if I could.
  • I would acknowledge the difficulty of their decision and thank them. But more importantly I would just listen to what she wanted to tell me.
  • Thank you and I''m sorry for your loss.
  • let the family know that their child is healthy, thriving, learning and much loved - and to tell them how sorry i am that, whatever the circumstances, they were not able to parent their child. and that as my child grows, i wish they could know that s/he is safe.
  • The daughter you gave up is beautiful, smart and most of all is a giving and compassionate little girl. She writes love letters to her mom everyday and looks for best friends wherever she goes.
  • I had hoped to meet my daughter''s birth mother before we came home from Guatemala but she backed out. I''m still hoping to meet her someday - maybe when we go back next year. I want her to know that our daughter is loved and thriving and will learn about her birth culture.
  • Since I had a domestic adoption, I did meet my son''s mother. It was a difficult and joyous meeting. I told her then what I say in letters now, a heartfelt thank you.
  • thank you. I will take good care of your son.
  • They''re aren''t enough words to express how thankful and how greatful we are for the precious gift you have given to us.

A warm thank you to all of our Poll participants. --Martha Osborne,



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