Finding a Forever Family!
All Adoption Stories
Lessons From the Kitchen Table
When you made the choice to adopt a child, you took a leap of faith at least one bound beyond that taken by other parents. And, if your child is challenged by learning or attention problems, your parenting path may now seem strewn with “speed bumps” caused by these overlapping issues.
Learning disabilities (LD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD) are certainly not unique to adopted children. But as an overlay to adoption, they present unique challenges – and questions. For example, where does your child’s pre-adoption history fit into the mix, along with genetics and her current environment? And how can you begin to interpret her personality or learning style when so much of her history is missing or incomplete?
Still, remember this: as the care-giving parent, you know your child best. Many highly capable adoptive parents who encounter LD and/or AD/HD for the first time often doubt their own parenting abilities until they understand the complexities of these disorders. Combine your intimate knowledge of your child with the information that follows. This may help you better identify, understand, and manage any learning difficulties your child has.
The Barker Foundation, the nation’s first cooperative adoption agency, conducted a 1996 survey with the parents of 500 adopted children. Thirty percent of these children had some type of learning or attention problem. A 1991 New Jersey study by Brodzinsky and Steiger also looked at the high numbers of adoptees in special education. Adopted children made up about 5 to 7 percent of the children studied with neurological, perceptual, or emotional problems. Yet, they represented only 1 to 2 percent of the general population of children.
Could these kinds of numbers partly reflect a hawk-like vigilance common to caring adoptive parents, who are likely to follow up on any apparent problem? Possibly. Another reason may be that adopted children tend to have “externalized,” or more visible, types of psychological problems. These might show up, for example, in the hyperactive and impulsive behavior often seen in AD/HD. Because parents find such behaviors more challenging, they often seek professional help sooner.
Studies like those cited above have led researchers to further speculate about the causes of learning and emotional challenges in adopted children. Any of the following factors may contribute:
Your child’s pre-adoption history:
Your child's post-adoption history:
Early experiences that can lead to attachment disorder may also have a profound impact on a child’s learning. That’s because the brain pathways responsible for social perceptions, emotion, and empathy are the same ones that regulate communication and organization of memory. Higher levels of certain brain chemicals caused by chronic stress or trauma can damage a part of the brain called the hippocampus, making it hard to create and retain memories needed for learning.
Of course there are several factors other than adoption that may contribute to learning problems. Genetics may play a crucial role, particularly when it comes to AD/HD; there is a five-fold increase in the incidence of AD/HD among first-degree relatives. And don’t overlook a broad range of other potential factors, including your child’s current school situation, home, or social life.
It may be a challenge to sort out how all of these things affect your child’s learning and development. You may want to start with some basic questions, such as these:
Your child’s pre-adoption history:
Your Child's Post-adoption history:
Answering these questions may help you begin to identify your child’s main challenge and provide helpful information if you go ahead with a professional assessment. From time to time, also try to determine which issue – adoption or learning – is having a greater impact on your child. But remember that dealing with adoption may be the burning issue for your child, even when it remains a quiet, internal process. Following are some other approaches that may help you b
Fears about the future are not uncommon in adopted children, particularly in those who were older when they were adopted. For this and other reasons, an adopted child may find times of transition trying. That’s because the routines and structures that provide a sense of security are suspended. Fear can emerge around major changes like adjusting to a new teacher, or smaller ones like moving from one activity to another during the day.
An adopted child with a learning disability may worry that her birth parents placed her for adoption because she’s “stupid.” Intensifying things even more, children often become aware of these two differences – adoption and learning problems – at about the same time, at around age 6 or 7. Anxiety about all of this can further interfere with learning. As one first-grader put it, “The worry takes up too much of my brain, and then I can’t think.”
Here are a few ways you can help reduce your child’s anxiety:
If your child struggles with attention problems, you can try a few management strategies that will help you both a great deal. Establishing solid, clear communication with your child early on will help her both at school and at home.
How will you know if your child needs extra help in school? First of all, trust your instincts. If you feel something isn’t quite right, it won’t hurt to seek advice. Early intervention is best. And having the problem identified may help you to stop taking things personally, while helping your child to become less frustrated. The first step may involve a pre-referral process through your public school. If additional assessment is needed, you can request either a school or private assessment. You may find referrals to private resources through community adoption support networks, your adoption agency, or a local mental health agency. If possible, find a trusted person who is knowledgeable about both assessment and adoption.
By now, you know that the parenting path isn’t always easy. Yours may have a few more twists and turns than most. And you may find it frustrating that usual sources of support – family and friends – lack sensitivity or understanding about adoption and LD or AD/HD. But a wealth of resources awaits you, including support groups for adoptive parents or for parents of kids with learning problems. Once your child has received a diagnosis, you can make progress in obtaining the support she needs, whether that’s special education services or accommodations, tutoring, medical care, counseling, or a combination of these interventions. Even though there are some “speed bumps” in your path, just knowing where they are will allow you and your child to develop skills to navigate them safely. Just slow down, keep your destination in mind, and enjoy the journey.
Article shared with permission by EMK Press
Share in the joy one little girl has brought to this family on the second anniversary of her homecoming
Want to know what to do and not do, during lunch with orphanage staff?
The months after post adoption are ones of adjustments, learning, tears, laughs but mostly love
Since moving to Bethel, Victor has overcome the odds.
A follow up story for a young lady just a few months away from aging out