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Although China has been open to international adoption since the early
1990
Although China has been open to international adoption
since the early 1990's, it wasn't until 1994/5 that the wave of adoptive parents
first gathered gale-force as the door of adoption in China swung open farther
and families lined up to parent the waiting children living in orphanages.
Like many adoptive parents, when the idea of international
adoption first was being explored as an option to build our family, I had a very
strong attraction to particular countries. Always fascinated with the history
and cultures of Asia, and sharing that interest with my husband, we explored
adoption from China and South Korea. Over the years our family has grown with
the addition of children from both countries.
We adopted a toddler from China in 1996. Another toddler,
this time from South Korea, in 1997. Then in 1998 we saw a photo of a
wide-smiled 8-year-old on a waiting child list. There were two lines only to
describe her, and no further information could be obtained:
"Wu Qin works hard. She has had open heart surgery."
That was it. Her entire information included a photo of a
girl with two pony-tails, one enormous smile, and two lines of information. Of
course we decided to adopt her immediately.
Jennifer WuQin, then 9-years-old, took her place as the
eldest of our (eventually) five daughters. She became Chinese-American, finding
her way through her teens, always being open about her quest to balance her
identity. She was and always would be Chinese. She is and always will be
American. She loves her family, both nuclear and extended, and all the
opportunities she has for a good future.
 Like many
older adoptees, she embraced being American..shunning her 'Chinese self' for her
first few years as our daughter. But seeing that it was safe in our family and
the US to embrace ALL of herself, she eventually came to balance her joy of
family, with her memories of loving caretakers and her Chinese culture.
Culturally, Jenni is both Chinese and American. Happily, she celebrates that
identity.
My dream for each of my children is that they will grow up
with a strong sense of self and that they will find joy and adventure throughout
their lives. As my daughter Jenni began her senior year of high school last
fall, I realized that my time and influence were running very low with my oldest
child. Although Jenni had traveled to China in 2001 with her father to adopt her
little sister, she was only twelve at that time. My intention was always for
her to return to China as an adult, or very near-so, so that she could process
and balance her memories that she had as a child, with the reality of China as
it truly is today. I mean this in no way disrespectfully, but I do think
younger children have a tendency to remember things like either a good or bad
fairy-tale, with some facts interspersed.
And so began the plan to return to China. How could I give
her the ultimate experience? Obviously, she would need to return to the city of
her birth, Kunming, Yunnan, and also visit her orphanage. Seeing the Great Wall
would be wonderful and fun as well. But what else? What would truly give her
the best and most real experience of China? Together we discussed many different
possibilities: An exchange program. Attending an immersion language school for
the summer. We did months of on-line research. In the end, we stumbled upon the
perfect situation and made our plans: We would tour China, and then volunteer in
a foster home for medically special needs children.
But first, there was honesty. I knew Jenni wanted to
experience China as a Chinese person. To blend in, to no longer be the minority
in any given situation, but just walk among others who share her features, and
be 'one of the crowd'. So I asked her to be honest with me when I said to her,
"Jen, do you think your experience will be different for you if I am with you?"
"Yes" was her simple reply.
"Do you want to do this alone?" I asked
"No, I want you to come, Mom. I just.."
And that pause was enough for me to make my final, but
difficult choice. I would not be with Jenni for the entire trip. Like the
parent/child relationship itself, we would begin the journey together, but then
she would go on, at some point, alone.
First we decided not to go as a group. We knew exactly
where we wanted to go and what we wanted to see and experience. We would first
go to Beijing and see the Great Wall and other sites. Then on to Kunming in
Yunnan to visit her orphanage and see the city. After 5 days in Kunming, we
would fly to Xi'an, Shaanxi to the
Starfish Foster Home, where I would stay for only 3 days, and Jenni would
continue on for another 18 days. In all, I would be gone 12 days and she 30.
What I hadn't counted on, and still am surprised to hear
from people in China, is something that should have probably been obvious to me. Jenni is one of the first adult adoptees to return to China. I hadn't given
this any thought at all when we made our plans. My first clue was a comment from
our travel agency. They had not worked with this situation before, and suggested
the orphanage might be very excited to see their first adult-adoptee return.
Then some online friends commented on an email list about the situation.
"Okay," I thought, "I know of three adoptees about a year or two older than
her....but have they returned to China at this age yet?" No, I realized. They
have not.
Finally, our Chinese guide brought it up. We arrived in
China yesterday (May 11th). He turned in his seat and said, "You are
the first ones I have met coming back this way, with an older daughter, all
grown up. Mostly just little girls come with their parents". And it really hit
me. Jenni is one of a very small groupthe very oldest of Chinese adoptees.
She's pioneering a sure-to-be new trend of adult Chinese adoptees returning to
their birthlands to learn about their first cultures and experience China from
an entirely new point of view. And so we decided together that it would be good
to share this journey.
As I write this, Jen and I are in our hotel room in
Beijing, waiting for our guide to arrive. We are on the 2nd day of
this long-dreamed-of adventure, having the time of our lives. If you would like
to join us, please log-in to our blog at:
http://adoptblogger.blogspot.com
Enjoy!
Martha Osborne and Jenni WuQin
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